Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Suicide Is Not Painless

I am a human being, not a guru or a Buddha. I write. Some people believe I write really well.

I believe words have incredible power because, well, our thoughts are words. We think in words and we use words to interact with the universe around us.

Even with that in mind, just because I'm good with words doesn't mean I have all the answers or that I'm qualified to counsel you, should you need it.

Joking about committing suicide or suggesting it on my blog is not funny. In fact, it's the opposite of funny.

It's fucking selfish.

I believe in life. I believe in living life to the fullest possible extent. I don't know if there's an afterlife or not but it'd be nice if there was. In case there isn't though, I will do my damnedest to live my life in a way that I believe it should be lived. I believe life is a miracle. I believe life is a fractal, a microcosm of the universe. I believe we were put here to love one another.

To joke or play around with the idea of taking all that away is not fair because even if I don't believe you, I will still treat it seriously and will worry about it, late into the night.

Once, in highschool, my girlfriend at the time, whom I'd just broken up with for cheating on me, phoned me at 2am, to tell me she had a broken beer bottle to her wrists and wanted to say goodbye.

So I calmed her down and got back together with her over the phone, even though I didn't want to. I knew, in all probability, she was lying, as she'd done before (never about suicide though) but I could never take that risk with someone else's life. If even the remotest possibility exists that you're serious, the world has to take it seriously.

The first post in this new blog, what I'm hoping will effectively become the news blog for I Wrote This For You, has links to American and international helplines in case you are in that position.

If you just want to talk, I don't mind doing that and I try to respond to every single person that writes to me.

But don't abuse that trust or play with it.

I don't deserve it.


  1. oh wow, i've been here before. thinking about suicide, but Thank God, everything had changed for sure. I appreciate LIFE so deep, but yes, DEATH will eventually happen, but no one has the right to kill themselves, to take away the precious life of themselves, except God.

    About 2 days ago, on Monday, 2 suicide happened in different time here in Jakarta, Indonesia. Both victims threw themselves from an upper floor of a huge and prestigious mall, but different malls. The first one was a woman, and the second was a male. This case became a trending topic during that day, and photos spread everywhere. It was horrifying watching my monitor screen filled with dead body lying ever so still, with blood all over.. I hope their families could manage the tragedy and go through it with an open heart.

    God bless each and every single soul..

  2. It's ironic that with all the love and care and concern you shower people with in IWTFY, there actually are people who would abuse it, or worse, there are actually people who don't have anyone who cares for them to the point that they need to tell about a suicide attempt to you. You, a stranger, but you, who loves. Every day.

    I'm also sort of horrified by the story about your girlfriend. No one should have to go through that.

  3. Of all the people in this world, you definitely don't deserve this, because as far as I know, you do your best to help people feel alive. And it's really sweet what you did in high school <3 I hope to god that there are more people in the world like you.

    Don't let that one person get you down, because the rest of us truly appreciate what you do and hope you continue to do it.

  4. You don't know it, but in August or September this year I was very ill. I didn't understand how I could live feeling the bad things that I was feeling at that period of my life. I thought it was my end. Suicide, for me, was not only a possibility, it was, for me, certain. After you answered a "Direct Message" to me on Twitter, I took the advice you gave me. I read your posts again…and again. Your words. And I began to think a little more as you suggest in your blog, about the way you see life. The sadness slowly passed. I won't lie, there some of it still here. The certainty of suicide, is now only a memory, and nothing, nothing will take it from there. It's saved in my heart, in case I get sick/lost again, and don't have your words around. Suicide is really a serious thing. As serious as the words that can save you. You save lives, Iaian. Saved mine. Theres only two words I can tell you, and I think you deserve it: Thank you.

  5. Beautifully said in view of the wonderous value of a life. No, suicide is definitely not something to joke about. As someone who has had the parting letter left to her, I wouldn't put up with someone joking in such a matter either. Thank you! (Hugs)Indigo

  6. God bless you, Iain, from the bottom of my heart.

  7. Iain,

    I feel your pain, I truly do. I must confess I'm not an avid follower of your site, I just discovered it and have been enjoying reading it and have been touched by a lot of the posts. But after reading this post I felt compelled to tell you that having had a similar experience in high school I too feel what you must feel every time you have to read comments like that. I too would worry endlessly about each person.

    I completely understand your need to ask people to stop talking so casually about suicide on your posts. I just hope that people will listen to you and take you seriously and just stop.

    Your posts cannot in any way hurt people, those people are either just not thinking about what they are writing or they are already hurt and will hopefully follow your links to get help. I think by adding links to professionals you are already caring about people above and beyond normal measures.

    However some people may chose to ignore this and continue with their comments. Please, please try not to take them into your heart, instead take into your heart all the wonderful things people have been writing to you and listen to how much you've helped people. Just from being on this site for half an hour I can see what wonderful things you've achieved with it and how many people take comfort from your writing.

    Keep doing what you're doing I think it's incredible.